


I CAN'T UNDRESS YOUR HEART

by jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:58:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2414138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle/pseuds/jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time has passed slowly since the incident involving the female Titan. Since Eren's decision. Since Levi had come to hate him. Or at least that's what he'd like to believe, because how can he accept that he's falling in love with the reason his squad is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I CAN'T UNDRESS YOUR HEART

**Author's Note:**

> i really hate that anything in canonverse snk has to be tagged underage CC:
> 
> also [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qaw569b1Ajc)

“Coward… You fucking coward!” Levi balled his fist, hitting the side against the unexpectedly cold surface of the crystal. “You think this is okay, hiding away in here after you…” He swallowed hard, hand flattening against the crystal. He looked up at her, the blonde who resided silent, but alive, within. “Bitch…”

“Levi!” The louder-than-fucking-necessary-how-are-you-so-cheery voice made him cringe. “I was starting to wonder where you were. Your protégé is looking for you, he seemed worried.” Hanji stopped next to him, her notes in hand as she prepared to spend meaningless hours studying the crystal and Annie within.

“He’s not my fucking protégé!” Levi snapped, pushing past her, not caring if he bumped into her or not.

His anger faded, the exhaustive lacking that occupied his life most days replacing it. His steps slowed as he passed Eren’s room, hesitating only a moment before a different kind of anger boiled up in him. Gritting his teeth, his feet pushed him past without so much as a knock to see if the young soldier was inside.

He didn’t care if he was. He didn’t want him to be. The last thing Levi wanted right now was to talk to his ‘protégé.’ And for Eren to be _worried_ about him, enough so to even go as far as talking to Hanji? Well that just pissed him off even more, his hands clenching into fists that left his fingers stiff and his knuckles white.

Turning the corner, he opened the door to his room. It was nearly instantaneous the way the tension began to wash from his body. Cupping his hands over his mouth and nose, he took a deep breath, slowly exhaling from his nose until he could relax. Or nearly relax. It was something he found himself having to do more and more often since…the incident.

Relaxing was something that took effort these days. Deep, slow, counted breaths. Isolating himself. And Hanji had even begun making him a special brew of tea that would help him relax without putting him to sleep.

At that thought, his eyes fell to the small table beside his bed, with a steaming pot of water already waiting for him. Anyone who said Hanji was just some titan obsessed freak clearly wasn’t paying attention.

Dropping the small cloth bag on a string into his teacup, he slowly poured the water onto it, letting the tea begin to steep. It wouldn’t take long, but this had become a sort of routine for him. The tea and the isolation…and the music. It was the one thing of any of his squad’s that he kept; a small music box.

Strong, slender fingers caressed the top of the small player, hesitating to open the lid. When he did, he couldn’t help the way a small smile tugged at his lips. Or the way pain tugged at his heart.

Before the sadness could overwhelm him, he lifted his cup of now-darkened tea to his lips. The scent filled his nose, heady and strong and almost too much, but it was something familiar and good for his mind to cling to. The taste on his tongue and warmth in his throat washed over him, barely having time to seep into his body before there was a knock at his door.

“Captain?”

The voice was muffled by the thick wood, but it was still unmistakable. Apparently Eren didn’t take hints very well. Sighing to himself, he forced himself to stand still and hope the music from the box wasn’t loud enough for the brunet to hear through the door. Maybe if he thought he wasn’t there, he’d go away.

“Captain? Can I come in? Hanji told me you were here.”

Levi clenched his teeth; of course she did. He stifled another sigh, taking a sip of his tea and hoping it’d do something to calm the anger he could already feel beginning to itch under his skin.

“What do you want, Eren?”

Slowly the door creaked open, light streaming in from the hallway into the darkened room.

“I just...” Eren hesitated, pushing the door open enough to step through, closing it behind him. Immediately the room was devoured by darkness again. “I was worried about you, Captain. Um, where are you? I can’t see.”

Levi shook his head, realizing he hadn’t bothered to light the lamp. The little light that had been coming in through the window when he had first entered had since dimmed into night. Part of him wanted to be petty about it and make Eren uncomfortable, leave it dark and hope he’d leave. But that would just result in him returning later. Instead, he simply lit the few oil lamps in the room, golden light creeping over the chamber.

“As you can see, I’m perfectly fine. No titans in here.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, moving his cup to his lips in a desperate attempt to relax despite the other’s presence.

“That’s not true.” Eren’s voice was quiet, barely a whisper and Levi wasn’t quite sure he heard him right.

“What.”

A small, shaky sigh pushed from the brunet’s lips, green eyes focused on his fidgeting hands. “You’ve…you’ve been distant.” Levi didn’t respond, and Eren took that as his cue to continue. “You don’t talk to anyone…you don’t talk to me. Ever since…You’ve been isolating yourself since I…” His voice trailed off, teeth sinking into his bottom lip and cringing with pain that had nothing to do with the skin threatening to break.

Levi didn’t respond immediately, studying the young man in front of him. His head hanging and his face scrunched up in pain, the way his shoulders hunched and he thought his body might have been trembling. Or perhaps it was simply the light from the lamps playing a trick on him.

“What’s your point, Eren?” He rested his elbows on his knees, fingers holding his cup tightly as they dangled freely between them.

“Did I do something wrong, Captain? Something…something to upset you? To…” His voice dropped, next words coming out a mutter. “To make you hate me?”

Levi hesitated, fingers pressing tight to the mouth of his cup, tips turning white as tension settled into his body and his stomach felt like it had been filled with concrete.

It was a feeling he hated, one he desperately wished to ignore. The way his stomach would churn and his lungs forgot to breathe and his heart would take up residence in his throat. It left his skin tingling and his mouth dry and it was so ungodly uncomfortable that it was nearly painful.

Then it really did become painful. It didn’t take long for Levi to realize that he only felt like this around Eren. That this sickening feeling inside him was slowly pushing out his grief.

He didn’t want that to happen. He didn’t want to feel, he didn’t want to stop hurting or let go. He didn’t give a single fuck if Erwin and Hanji insisted it was okay, good even. He didn’t want any of this. This trembling or this heat or the fucking dreams that burned his skin in all the right ways only to leave him curled into the cold darkness wishing he could cry.

Instead he found himself unable to look at the soldier standing in his room, the soldier that might as well be begging him to give him something, anything. The soldier who made him hate himself, the soldier whose choice had put him in this predicament.

Eren’s body stilled, fingers squeezing tightly onto each other, and Levi wondered if he was actually going to answer. When he finally spoke, the older man wished he hadn’t.

“It’s okay to cry.” Levi’s body tensed, steel-blue eyes flashing to Eren when he spoke. “You never mourned them, did you?”

Levi’s eyes widened, his pupils dilating and mind spinning, focus fading and threatening to black out everything that was happening as anger welled up inside him and burned at his skin. All he could feel was heat, his jaw visibly tensing and eyes remaining locked on Eren.

And then he felt it, pain. Searing pain that ripped through his hand and into his arm as the broken glass fell to the floor below him, hand wet and bleeding, almost surreal the way the shard protruded from his palm.

“Captain—” Eren didn’t hesitate, taking the few steps to close the gap between them.

Levi only watched, fascinated by the way the blood dripped from his hand that was trembling from something that wasn’t pain. If he was being honest, the pain had ebbed almost as soon as it had appeared, fading into a dull throb that was buried below the anger and pain and confusion that threatened to blow his mental synapses.

His hand tingled when Eren’s fingers gripped it, gently pulling the glass from the palm and beginning to clean it. It wasn’t a deep wound, and he decided to let the brunet dress it. He could feel a sort of calm coming over him, seeping into him from the unnaturally warm fingers against his skin.

Neither spoke at first; Levi only watching as Eren nursed his wounds, surprised at how gentle the titan shifter was.

“It’s your fault.” Eren’s hand flinched at the words, hesitating only a moment before continuing to wrap the wound, eyes focused on the task at hand. “It’s your fault they’re dead. It was your decision.”

“I know.” Eren’s voice was merely a whisper, his fingers barely holding the ones of Levi’s now bandaged hand.

“It’s your fault.” Levi’s hand trembled a moment before his fingers clenched painfully hard around Eren’s. “It’s your fault they’re dead. It’s your fault she’s gone. It’s your fault I—”

“I know, Captain. I’m…I’m sorry.”

Levi’s mind went blank, just for an instant, as something in him snapped.

“Sorry? You’re _sorry_!?” In one fluid movement Levi pushed from the bed, still holding tight to Eren’s hand, his other gripping his shirt front as he slammed him against the wall with a satisfying _thud_ that pushed the air from the soldier’s lungs. “ _Sorry? Sorry doesn’t bring them back! Sorry doesn’t stop the nightmares! Sorry doesn’t fucking change that I_ —”

Levi cut himself off, pulling Eren off the wall just enough to slam him back into it. To his credit, Eren never once turned away. His mouth was tight, his brows furrowed, and his entire body burned with pain at his captain’s words. But not once did he look away.

“ _It’s your fault. You—you killed them. You killed her! And we were going to_ —” Levi’s fingers twisted into Eren’s shirt. “It’s your fault. You’re the one – It’s only been six—” The anger began to leave his body, gaze dropping from Eren’s and brows turning from hatred to hurt, eyes clenching shut painfully. “I’m not supposed to feel.” Levi’s hand trembled around the one it held within its grasp.

“It’s your fault for making me feel like this!!” His words were a harsh growl, anger on his lips but there was nothing in his eyes but fear and disbelief. All the anger washed from him and Levi could feel himself crumpling, grip loosening and leaning his head against Eren’s chest.

He found himself glad he wasn’t an angry crier like his charge; if he was he wouldn’t certainly have lost it already. Then again, he never cried. He couldn’t, even if he wished he could.

“Levi,” Eren tentatively gripped his shoulders, as if afraid of retaliation. “How _do_ you feel?”

Levi clenched his eyes shut, hesitating for a moment before snapping to Eren’s. His lips pulled back in almost a snarl, fingers gripping onto his charge. Still, the soldier didn’t back down.

With no more hesitation, he pushed against Eren, mashing their lips together in a hard, bruising kiss that was more snarl than affection as his anger boiled in him toward brunet. How dare he make him feel like this!

“Do you fucking get it now, brat!?”

Something in Eren softened, his eyes almost smiling. Levi hadn’t called him that since they had fought Annie.

“Captain…” Eren’s voice was soft, lifting a hand to gently brush his thumb over Levi’s bottom lip. “It’s okay.” With that he pressed his lips to the other’s, a soft, gentle kiss that was a sharp contrast to the nearly bloody kiss he had received.

Levi’s eyes widened, his brows furrowing as he pulled back from the kiss. He let go of Eren’s shirt only to swiftly punch him in the jaw hard enough that the brunet stumbled to the floor.

“It’s not okay! Don’t you fucking get that!? I’m not supposed to feel like this! Not like this, not this soon!” Levi breath was labored, the strain of his usually reserved emotions taking its toll.

Eren held his jaw gingerly, pushing to his feet with an effort. “Levi…I’d wait forever, as long as it was worth it. But if you don’t want me here, I won’t bother you anymore.” When the raven-haired man didn’t respond, he turned toward the door and away from him.

Swiftly, Levi gripped Eren’s wrist, holding him firmly in place.

“It’s not that…I’m just trying to figure things out.” His voice was quiet and he kept his eyes averted, as if admitting that was too much even for humanity’s strongest.

“Then let me help.” Eren’s voice was soft, his touch softer as he cupped Levi’s jaw and gently leaned in to press their lips together.

Levi didn’t react at first, neither resisting nor giving in. Slowly, his eyes fluttered shut and he shifted. It was barely noticeable, the faintest pressing forward of his lips, the barely there of his fingers brushing against Eren’s elbow, as if he was afraid to touch him.

The kisses were soft and slow; patient. Maybe even a little scared. Maybe a lot scared.

Still, their lips remained connected. They were chaste, whispers of kisses at first. Slowly, their lips worked together, swelling and reddening under the friction and pressure.

Eren, brave soldier he was, even dared to slip in a few nips and bites. He had worried Levi might expel him from his chambers, but was pleasantly surprised when his captain’s reaction was a shaky breath before pulling him back into a kiss.

The brunet could only smile into the kiss when he did this; a smile that Levi eventually took advantage of. The captain took the chance to slip his tongue between those parted lips. It was a slow and curious action, far gentler than anyone probably expected of him. Even he expected more of himself. But it was different with Eren, careful and cautious and fucking terrifying. He faced titans in numbers no one else had, and yet this soldier, this brat, left him scared.

Scared and confused and wanting more.

Levi relished the way Eren’s body almost shivered as he tasted him, their tongues rolling against the other, breath hot and breathing labored. The brunet’s hand’s shifted, clearly aching to touch him elsewhere but instead settling for burying themselves in his hair.

There was an odd calm between them, everything else fading away until it was just them. Their scent and their breath and their hearts pounding in their chests; their lips pressed together and tongues slipping in and out.

Levi couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this sense of relief, his hands drifting from elbow to arm and down to Eren’s hips. It was then that the younger male broke the kiss, both left panting and yet never closing the distance between anything but their lips.

“We don’t have to keep going, if this isn’t what you want.” Eren’s voice was slightly labored, but it was sincere.

Of course he’s the one that would be considerate of his captain’s feelings, realizing that just because he’s normally so stoic and adult didn’t mean that this was any easier for him.

_This fucking kid._

Long fingers slipped under the hem of Eren’s shirt, hips warm against his skin as his eyes remained on his subordinate’s. “I want this.” And he realized that he did. Of course he did, he knew he did, he just refused to accept it before.

He didn’t hesitate to push into another kiss. It was hungrier, lips open and biting, tongues tasting. Eren’s hands began to explore his body, shifting between them and working over the buttons of Levi’s shirt.

Levi followed his lead, not that he planned to let him keep it, and hooked his fingers under the green shirt that his protégé always wore. In one fluid motion, he pulled it over his head, Eren tossing it to the side for him.

Then they were pressed together, Eren letting out a gasp as the cold wall pressed against his back, only to shift into the slightest moan when their chests pushed together. Soft, warm skin pressed against his, Levi’s hand splayed over his hip as their lips pressed back together. The brunet could only melt into the kiss, his hands firmly gripping the other’s shoulders.

Levi’s hands slipped over Eren’s hips, and he was the first to break the kiss. It wasn’t that he wanted to or even meant to. But he couldn’t help himself as his hands slipped into the young soldier’s pants, kneading his cheeks as he lifted his own hips to grind against him. Pleasure from the sudden friction had forced their lips apart, a heady gasp pushing from Levi’s.

Eren grinned at the reaction, grinding his hips forward in a way that mimicked his captain’s previous action, doing his best to elicit the same response. He swelled with pride when he succeeded.

Levi shuddered, pressing back against Eren, his lips going to his neck. He sucked and nipped harshly at the skin, squeezing the ass in his hands harder as the brunet panted in his ear.

“Fuck, Eren, I—” Levi’s words died on his lips, replaced by a small moan as Eren ground against him, teeth nipping at his ears.

“It’s okay, captain. I want it. I want _you_.”

Levi froze, pulling back enough to look into those green eyes. Eyes that looked back at him, clouded with lust, but completely and fully certain.

“Eren…”

In a rush, Levi pushed against him, hungrily attacking his lips. His hands slipped down to Eren’s thighs, leveraging them around his waist. His knees threatened to buckle when the brunet squeezed his legs tight, rubbing his ass against his captain’s crotch.

Still, he managed to stagger them across to the bed, lips never pulling away from Eren’s. He was careful to lower him down onto the mattress slowly, crawling up behind him.

It was almost surreal, having Eren in his bed, laying there staring up at him with kiss swollen lips and flushed cheeks and pupils blown with lust; shirtless and panting, and reaching out to him for more.

His long fingers brushed over Eren’s torso, tracing over the muscles and ghosting down his side. He was beautiful.

“Eren…Are you sure this is what you want?”

The brunet pushed onto his elbow, reaching up to grab the back of Levi’s head, gently pulling him toward his lips. “I said I did, didn’t I?”

Levi barely nodded before capturing Eren’s lips with his own. The kiss didn’t last long before his lips wanted the rest of the soldier. He peppered his neck with kisses, licking and nipping at marks he’d already left. Not stopping at his neck, he moved down to his chest. When his lips found the brunet’s nipple, he rolled his tongue along it before sucking it between his teeth.

Eren arched into the attention, fingers gripping the sheets and a sharp moan pushing from his lips. Levi grinned, moving to the other nipple while his hands worked to undo the brunet’s pants. Gripping the waist, he hesitated to tug them off, watching the other man carefully. Green eyes smiled at him, lifting his hips and encouraging him to undress him. Which he did.

Levi paused only a moment before digging into the nightstand, pulling out a small vial of thick, clear liquid. When he turned back to Eren, he was surprised to see him blushing at the sight of the bottle. A smile tugged at his lips as he leaned in and kissed him.

“Wait.”

Levi froze, a little surprised after the way he’d reassured him only moments before.

“You undress, too.” Eren’s cheeks were flushed, teeth worrying his lower lips as his fingers tugged at the waist of Levi’s pants.

He did as was asked of him, dropping his clothes to the floor before climbing back onto the bed. He was barely on the mattress before Eren pushed him down, much to his surprise. The soldier just grinned, leaning in to kiss him, pressing himself against one of his Levi’s thighs. There was no uncertainty from him, gripping the captain’s hand and moving it to his ass.

“I just really wanted to kiss you.” Eren smiled before leaning back in and continuing to do just that.

Levi didn’t break the kiss, careful as he popped the cap on the bottle, pouring some into his hand before setting it back onto the nightstand. Rubbing the lubricant over his fingers, letting his flesh warm it, he carefully reach around Eren’s hips. Tentatively, he rubbed over his tight entrance.

Eren grinned against his lips, fingers slipping into his hair as he lifted his ass; both allowing better access and encouraging Levi to continue. And he did, carefully pressing a finger inside of the brunet.

It was tight and hot and he could feel Eren’s entire body stiffen on top of him. He didn’t move inside of him, instead tilting his head to capture his lips again. The kiss was soft and warm and lingering, his free hand moving to trace slow circles over the brunet’s back muscles. It wasn’t long before he could feel him relaxing against him.

Experimentally, he moved his finger in an out. He studied Eren closely for pain or resistance, when he continued to find none – and if he was being honest the brunet seemed to lewdly enjoy it – he carefully pressed a second finger into him.

This time he only stiffened a moment before relaxing, lips barely stuttering in their movements against Levi’s. His fingers had barely begun to move before he felt Eren rock his hips and push back onto them. He shuddered beneath him, his own hips grinding against the brunet’s thigh.

The angle was awkward and it wasn’t enough friction for either of them. Even so, he twisted and prodded inside of Eren, crooking his fingers until he pushed against the dense tissue he was looking for. The kiss was abruptly broken, the brunet’s head snapping up and mouth opening in a sharp strangled moan.

Levi couldn’t help the grin that spread across his lips.

“What an incredible sound, let me hear it again.” As if he gave him a choice, with the way he continued to rub against his sweet spot.

He could feel Eren losing it on top of him. Feel him shuddering and panting, moans pushing from his lips, his fingers digging into his arms and his cock dripping onto his leg. And his wasn’t the only one. Levi knew he himself was coming undone.

Eren’s moans became more frequent, needy. Levi couldn’t help but grinding his own erection against the brunet’s thigh. He didn’t know if it’d be enough, but he was desperate for purchase and that was his only way to get it.

Snaking a hand between them, he wrapped his fingers around Eren’s throbbing cock. Slowly he began to pump it, thumb stroking over the head with each pass, pacing with his own thrusts. By this point they were both panting, chests heaving and bodies sweating, unraveling into a desperate mess.

“Levi—not like this—” Eren’s voice still Levi’s actions instantly; it was haggard and he had difficulty forcing it past his lips. “I don’t want to come like this.”

Steel blue eyes darted between Eren’s before he slowly nodded. Carefully, he pulled his fingers from within him. Shifting them carefully, he pushed himself into a sitting position, still holding the brunet close to him. Sparing just a second, he poured more lubricant into his palm, stroking himself just enough to spread it over his cock.

He gripped Eren firmly, looking up at him as he hesitated.

“Ready?”

The brunet nodded, wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulders. Slowly, Levi lowered Eren’s hips, spreading his cheeks and carefully pressing into him. He had expected resistance, but somehow hadn’t expected him to be this tight. Or feel this good; try as he might, he couldn’t stop the low moan that rumbled from his lips.

Then again, he also hadn’t expected to hear that keening moan as Eren buried his face in his neck; the sound of it had only served to excite him, making his cock twitch as he pushed into the brunet.

Once fully inside him, Levi stilled.

Neither moved, Eren curled against him, chest heaving. It was the young soldier that moved first, long legs draped over Levi’s arms, his own hands tightening on his shoulders, ass clenched around the cock filling him, rocking his hips as much as he could in this position.

Levi nodded, gripping Eren’s ass with one hand and thrusting into him. The brunet’s lips parted, moaning against his own. The sound went straight to his core, heat pooling within in a way that he knew would burst soon enough.

Gripping the back of Eren’s head, he pulled him into another kiss. He couldn’t stop; couldn’t stop touching him, squeezing him, moving inside of him.

Fuck was he amazing. He was unbelievably hot, walls nearly vibrating around him, wet and sucking him in, desperate to suck every inch of him inside. It was all he could do to give it what it wanted, thrusting quickly inside, holding Eren’s hips pressed flush to him until he felt him keen against his lips, long legs tightening around his body and ass clenching around his cock. He knew he had found it and fuck if he’d stop.

He wanted to hear that sound against his lips, feeling him squeezing, leaking onto his cock, his entire body aching for his touch until he came undone and the only intelligible sound coming from those lips was his name.

“Fuck, Levi—” Eren broke the kiss, panting as he pried his fingers from his shoulder and desperately pushed them between them, stroking himself with fervor. “Levi, I can’t—I’m—don’t stop fuck don’t stop—” His words slipped into moans, his hand moving faster and ass clenching tighter as he panted out Levi’s name, hand filling with cum, splurting over their chests in waves as Levi pounded into his sweet spot.

“Fucking brat—” Levi pulled him into a hard kiss, hungrily attacking his lips and pushing his tongue into his mouth. Eren responded, burying his clean hand into his hair and kissing him back, little moans pushing from his lips as the other thrust erratically inside of him.

Levi couldn’t stop the way he gasped and moaned against Eren’s lips, biting down hard enough to make the brunet moan and arch into him. His fingers dug into his soldier’s skin, bruising his hips and pushing them down as pleasure washed over him, the sounds coming from his lips embarrassingly loud as he filled the young man with hot cum.

Calm and fatigue settled over the room, both trying to regain their breath and senses, brains still come-addled. Eventually, Levi lifted Eren from him, laying him gently onto the bed. He kissed him slowly, lovingly, before dipping a cloth in the now lukewarm water that had been for future cups of tea.

Tentatively, he cleaned them both. He smiled at the way Eren blushed and looked away embarrassed, leaning in to kiss his inner thighs for reassurance. When he had decided they were clean enough, Levi settled in next to him.

Silence settled over them. It was almost awkward, but yet they were comfortable. The blankets pulled over their hips, Eren on his chest and his fingers in that thick mass of chocolate hair.

Still…Levi couldn’t stop the need to speak from gnawing at him.

“Eren…I’m sorry. For what I said…I didn’t…”

“I know.” A soft smile tugged at Eren’s lips before he pressed them against Levi’s, his fingers slipping between _his_ Captain’s.

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> I'll leave it up to you whose thoughts the 'i love you' belonged to


End file.
